As I sat in the pews for Ash Wednesday Mass, I was moved by the large numbers of people that surrounded me. I felt connected with all those that, like I, returned for this ritual and celebration. I pondered, what is the draw for so many of us to attend and listen to messages of humility, compassion, and reconciliation? What is it about “returning to dust” that pulls us in and together? Perhaps it is that instinctual need to be simply real, human and to be connected. We are invited to allow our brokenness to be uncovered and exposed and to return to our true selves, to each other, and to God. For in being aware, uncovered, humble, and vulnerable, we can then truly see who we are, understand what we want to be rid of or embrace, and discover how to move forward with courage.
Two traits and virtues that can help are humility and vulnerability. Examining and strengthening these traits reveal one way our spiritual and psychological and emotional wellness visibly intertwine and support each other. For many people, the words humility and vulnerability can have negative connotations. Often, they are viewed as being a weakness or risky trait in our everyday life, so we push them away and bury or mask those feelings. But if we embrace their true meaning, presence and fruitfulness in our life, we will see that both are a way to grow in holiness and wholeness of body, mind, and spirit.
Humility comes from the word “humus” meaning earth, recalling the “dust” from our Ash Wednesday reflection. The elements of humility include a willingness to see ourselves truthfully, an accurate perception of our place in the world, an ability to acknowledge our mistakes and limitations, openness, low self-focus, and an appreciation of the value of all things. St. Teresa of Avila is someone who spoke of and beautifully lived humility, “Nothing matters more to us than humility.” (St. Teresa of Avila, Interior Castle). She wrote that humility was about Truth and Self-Knowledge. It’s about returning to and understanding our real self: the good, the bad, the changing. It’s about being real with ourselves and God. That’s hard! But, if we fully embrace humility, it leads to spiritual intimacy, psychological well-being and prosocial behaviors (as research shows). For when we look at the facts of who we are and who we can be, it encourages movement and growth spiritually, emotionally, and relationally. Humility is a trait and virtue that must come naturally and is only fully experienced by grace. It is accomplished through growing self-knowledge. And only when we become self-aware and experience genuine humility, can we embrace and live vulnerability.
Brene’ Brown, a research professor in Texas, has beautifully studied and written on vulnerability, courage, empathy, and shame for over 20 years. In her work, Daring Greatly, she explains “Vulnerability is the core of all emotions and feelings. Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper or more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.” Vulnerability calls us to know ourselves, understand the feelings that come about with that knowledge, and share of ourselves amidst the uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure so as to grow our connection to God and others. It’s about being real with ourselves and others. That’s hard too! With self-awareness, we will see that often we have developed “armor” to guard ourselves from the feelings that accompany uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. But these defenses such as perfectionism, control, or cynicism keep us from growing into who we’re meant to be. Self-awareness, humility, and vulnerability will help us return to our true selves and in time move forward in wholeness to who we are made to be.
So, if self-knowledge and awareness are where these virtues and traits begin, an initial step in wholeness and holiness is beginning a practice of self-awareness: spiritually and emotionally.
Here are 4 tips:
+Examine your day
-Mentally walk through your day: What did you do and who were you in contact with? What worked? What did not? What feelings accompanied different situations and encounters? When did you feel joyful and alive? Irritable or upset? What patterns do you notice?
-The Daily Examen from St. Ignatius of Loyola is a great reflection and prayer method that helps determine God’s presence and invitations in your life.
+Thoughts and Feelings Journal
- Write down aspects of your day or week that stand out: What happens when a thought or feeling pops up from writing? What precipitated it? What followed? Leave judgement out – you’re just looking for facts here. What patterns do you notice?
+Meditation
-Calm your mind and focus. Become aware of your thoughts so you learn your patterns of thinking of yourself, situations, and others. Examine some of the patterns you notice. How could they be affecting your thoughts of yourself, others and your actions?
+ Talk to someone you trust such as a Counselor, Spiritual Director, or Friend
- What do they notice about you? Where do they see your passion and strengths? Your struggles and challenges?
The fruits of self-awareness, vulnerability and humility can be numerous spiritually and emotionally. First, we develop self-knowledge and become aware of our real selves and may even identify the defenses or armor that keep us from ourselves and closeness with others and God. We can choose acceptance for some traits. We can choose to try to learn from and overcome other aspects of ourselves. Then comes humility and vulnerability. With both come further understanding of ourselves, and equally important, closeness with others and with God. Both invite acceptance. Both encourage change. And both lead to holiness and wholeness of body, mind, and spirit.
Knowing ourselves is something so important that I
wouldn’t want any relaxation ever in this regard.
- St. Teresa of Avila
Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage.
Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they are never weakness.
- Brene’ Brown
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